only mad dogs and Englishmen

The world phenomenon that is Duglan Quiglan (Bajan code name) took to the field of play for local club Awali. Danny from the office had played his first game of rugby union the night before and, whilst winning man of the match, he also got a little hurt and needed someone to step into his circketing shoes at 8am the next day. Reluctantly I agreed saying 'you owe me a beer Danny boy'. With heignsight I think he owes me 100 beers.

Its a desert pitch with an astro strip in the middle. Awali is mostly made up of 2nd generation indian and pakistani expats. What a day; they welcomed me with such open arms despite the fact I announced 'I am a cricket supporter but you can count on nothing more than a 12th man in terms of playing the game.

I was right to do so. These boys, the can all play maaaaaaan. Awali were put into bat first and the English lad who is in the picture above opened with an indian call aramamytongerdo wnyourthroata. The English lad plays u19 Middlesex by all accounts. Its so funny....when you watch the indians and the packistani's bat they are quite free and easy with their stance and strokes but in contrast an Englishman sticks out a mile - standing very straight and striking the ball with precision. Different horses different courses; different cultures different batting styles.

Anyhoo, the boys did ok for a while but then 4 qucik wickets and some agressive head bound bowling at 80mph ish saw the flavour of the game turn very competitive.

I went out in the last over at No.9; its a real shame I didn't get a pciture - padded up more than ever before I looked like a mitchelin man (because of the pads boys......stop it). I had a helmet with face gaurd, pads, gloves, a box, arms pads,thigh pads, side pads, a thong....errr....whoops......wasnt meant to tell you that.......anyway you et the picture. I had to drop a couple of boys of at the pool before I went out as well which delayed the game a few minutes.

On strike immediately; 1st ball goes through the gate which in Duglan's case is actually as big as the preverbial garage door that Nobby's been trying to find for 31 years now.....any updates on that front mate?

2nd ball, and bearing in mind only 5 balls left in the innings and a couple of fella's to come - the gorilla comes to town. A quick slow quick quick slow down the wicket and a hugely exagerated swing and miss later I think all of the players from both sides were in stiches. You no me, always happy to take the mickey out of myself - I told them all I was lulling them into a false sense of security. The ball actually beat the wicky with pace so we sneaked a single. Actually, I kinda of didn't sneak it because with all the gear on I was moving at a fair rate of nots not.

The other chap stayed on strike until the end and did no better than me (the one with the fag in his mouth and my arm around him) and the innings finsihed with a total of 229 off 25 overs. I declared to the field that it was my PB, 0 - not out and displayed the face of bat to the four corners of the ground and the non-existant crowd went crazy.

So onto the fielding and they asked if I could keep wicket. If there is one thing I can actually do it is keep wicket and I am sure some of you would agree. Catters may tell you a story about me heading a cricket ball in the annual Wig & Rod Trophy at Gonville & Cauis Cricket Ground back in 2001 but then I would argue that it was my first time at a reasonable cricket standard, I had him at first slip yabbering on at me all day long and breaking my concentration....and.....the bloke who was bowling was Guy 'Jenko' Jenkinson who used to open for the Army! Bit pacey sun if you ask me. Anyway it did knock me unconcious for a while but I soldiered on.......ha ha ha....I made a joke see........the army....soldiered on....ha ha ha, awful

So I accepted the invitaion to keep wicket and encapsulated that worldwide saying 'only mad dogs and englishman'. Trouble was the dogs that were there were all inside the clubhouse in the air con so I was very much alone on this one....woof woof

Been in Bahrain for under two weeks, not fully aclimatised, fat, unfit, stunning looking, dehydrated already probably from the mitchelin expereince and now I am standing in 46 degree heat at midday with the humidity climbing to circa 90%. It would have been hard enough just to stand in that for 2 hours......but no....Duglan Quiglan will not bow to even the weather maaaaaaaaaan.

First ball I barely saw but then I was standing far too close to the stumpys. I had kept for a few years for a chap called Tucky who had a bit of pasty in the old arms and I figured I would stand in a similar position to recieve these guys. HELLO.....GOODBYE.....REVISE YOUR PLAN. Gave myself another 4 meters and everything was hunky doory. In 7 overs I missed only 1 more ball and was quite pleased with myself but I began to feel very strange during the 5th over. I was drinking about half a litre of water every 2 overs and this water was going in and being absorbed almost instantaneously. I tapped the side of my head and it was so sore. Recognising this as dehydration I turned to the captain and said one more over man and I'm outta here.

So basically Dave I am a big girls blouse....yada yada yada.....but had a lucky escape. 3.5 litres, a shower, a chocolate bar, a lie down for 10 and 30 mins in the air con I was ok but I didnt go out to play again. Had a barby at the end and overall it was great fun.